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Sunday, September 4, 2011
September


 So it's September. O'Levels are drawing near. That big exam we've been working towards for almost 5 years now, is finally drawing closer. Honestly, I'm fuckin' excited. The sooner it comes, the sooner it goes. I've got so many things to do after O's, I'm probably gonna be busier after O's than I am now preparing for it. It's been awhile since I posted my thoughts on this blog.

I recently only kept journalling down the year. It's September and everyone knows that it officially means that 2011 is drawing to an end. I had an amazing year and so many memories were collected. So dang many. I love photographs. I always try to make it a point to take photos during a day out or an event or such. At the end of the day, time will past and things will change....but photos never do. They never fuckin' do. I've so many photo albums in my "2011" folder. The extra amazing ones get printed and they go on my wall. The thing about photos is, you can never take back time, but you'll always have those moments captured.

I like to document the happy events of my life through photos. This is because it truly saddens me when I realize I've so many memories filed so far at the back of mind that they tend to fade so easily. Think about it, if you can't remember it, what's the point of doing it. Everything we want to do, the main point is to get that sense of.... happiness, accomplishment, warmth, or what ever is it that you want to feel upon doing something. If you can't remember the feeling, there's no point. Get my drift?

Well photography aside, I've recently been bugged about my zodiac sign. I'm a Sagittarius. I keep reading things on Sagittarians and ever so often, the issue of commitment always comes up. Sagittarians apparently are the hardest sign in the zodiac to commit. Commitment to a love partner is a challenge. I used to brush that pulsing fact off, but I'm starting to realize that I am a true Sagittarian...yes I mean that I find commitment a challenge. 

Every time, every single fuckin time, I run away when a guy gets too close, when it starts to feel as if I'm expected by the other to open up my heart. Every. single. time. I cut the strings. To others, opening up their hearts may mean filling themselves with more love, but to me, it means creating a possibility for hurt. I get very jealous. Jealous of people who are able to see it the other way. 

Well I have this theory, that this is caused by a Sagittarian's need to plan a step ahead. I noticed I'm always, ALWAYS getting people telling me to relax, take it easy, that I need to learn how to go with the flow, that I need to trust that "fate" will lead me to where I should be, that I basically need to stop thinking and planning too far ahead. And I'm always like, "But I'm only thinking about the step after the next!!!". Always the same case. Unless I'm working with another Sagitarrian, or a cusp like Danica. A cusp means someone who's birthdate falls on the first or last day of a certain zodiac sign. This person would possess some characteristics from the next sign. Danica in this case, is a Scorpio-Sagittarius cusp. 

I notice, even simple things like when we spend a day just hanging out, when there's the two of us, we always MUST HAVE a planned out schedule for the day. Yes, even for a day meant for having fun/relaxing. Sounds stupid and redundant, doesn't it? Haha. Well anyway, the theory is that because my mind tends to keep planning ahead, I'm cautious of what's coming, in other words, the impending hurt that might come my way once I open up for it. As a preventive mechanism, I simply leave. Walk away. Run. 

You don't see scary part of it yet, now do you? As a Sagittarus, I see one step ahead again - being like this, being so cautious about commitment, I might never be able to settle down in my life. This trait might cause me to lose out on Mr Right. I might never get married because of my inability to stay for long. Or worse, I might get married and then have a ruined marriage down the road. I would rather be forever alone, than be scarred by a ruined marriage. I've seen so many already and I don't want my impression of men to get any more worse than it is now. All I've been witnessing is, before marriage, they make you feel like at the top of world, the luckiest girl in the world. After marriage, they somehow become jerks. A divorce or separation becomes necessary, and they'd have to live the rest of their lives wondering if a happy ending is even possible. Is that it? Is that how it'll mostly end? Take my parents for example.