always.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

This was the very photo I posted when I talked about the first time we got closer. It has only been 6 months.

How could you.....it was only a few months ago that you promised me you will never become like Afiq. It was only a few weeks ago that you promised me you will never become like Anna. It was only a few days ago when you promised me that we will go back to Hua Hin together and back to our beloved hut and we will stock up on Jeloly this time.

You saw how hurt we were when Afiq left. When Anna left. How could you....losing you pains me more than losing that Mat and Anna, to be honest. I miss you. But we cannot have weak Thespians. It pains me, but it also angers me, how I trusted your words. How I trusted that you are not a loser. Today you've proven to me that you are a complete loser. We cried hard today, not for you. But for the wlao monkey we once knew. I should be ashamed for constantly crying now. I honestly can't help it. My heart...it hurts. I loved you like own sister. I will miss your tickling. I will miss your adorable laughter. I will miss all the times you stood up for me. Thank you, for putting another blade in my heart.

When you entered the factory today, I was so happy to see you again. Then we saw your father behind you. Our hearts fell. There was silent tension. We had a hint of what was going to happen, especially when your father told Yan that he wanted to have a talk with her. Nat, Chanel and I looked at each other in panic and fear. We tried to stay strong...right until you came out with your dad and you started to take your bottle from your locker. We realized you were not staying for training. You were about to leave. The 3 of us panicked. We looked at each other wearily. Chanel was the first to have tears welling up in her eyes while Nat and I tried to believe it was not what we think it was. All these were happening without a single word. Our eyes were emoting everything.

You hugged each of us. You gave us a smile. It confused us. Yet somehow we didn't wanna believe it. You looked at me and I could see it in your eyes. Guilt. You knew it would hurt us if we knew for sure that you were about to walk out the door for the last time. So you didn't say a word. As you walked out, the three of us called out to you, finally finding our voices. But you just kept on walking. That was when we turned to Yan and she said "She's gone.". Nat and I broke down. Chanel had already broken down. I wanted to scream. When will it end. We were warned that you would leave, but I was still not prepared for it. I would never be. What are you going to do out there, Nadhrah...

But like the rest of the times, I will soon grow cold to this. I will always miss the memories we had, but I can trust that my heart will harden again. Time will heal it and I will not shed a tear any more about the sister I once had.

What are we gonna tell Petch & Sunee. We will be going back without 4. I swear, we will go back. We will make the money and we will go back. Petch, Sunee and Mdm Patravadi are waiting for us there.

God I'm glad my blog is private. These are some things Singaporeans will never understand.

I gotta stop crying. My body has produced more tears this year than I could ever imagine. That may not be healthy.

The many thoughts it my head as I try to cram Biology. God.


Rachel Durano Wan Create Your Badge Co-Owner Of: Archives March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 December 2012	Saturday, September 25, 2010 This was the very photo I posted when I talked about the first time we got closer. It has only been 6 months. How could you.....it was only a few months ago that you promised me you will never become like Afiq. It was only a few weeks ago that you promised me you will never become like Anna. It was only a few days ago when you promised me that we will go back to Hua Hin together and back to our beloved hut and we will stock up on Jeloly this time. You saw how hurt we were when Afiq left. When Anna left. How could you....losing you pains me more than losing that Mat and Anna, to be honest. I miss you. But we cannot have weak Thespians. It pains me, but it also angers me, how I trusted your words. How I trusted that you are not a loser. Today you've proven to me that you are a complete loser. We cried hard today, not for you. But for the wlao monkey we once knew. I should be ashamed for constantly crying now. I honestly can't help it. My heart...it hurts. I loved you like own sister. I will miss your tickling. I will miss your adorable laughter. I will miss all the times you stood up for me. Thank you, for putting another blade in my heart. When you entered the factory today, I was so happy to see you again. Then we saw your father behind you. Our hearts fell. There was silent tension. We had a hint of what was going to happen, especially when your father told Yan that he wanted to have a talk with her. Nat, Chanel and I looked at each other in panic and fear. We tried to stay strong...right until you came out with your dad and you started to take your bottle from your locker. We realized you were not staying for training. You were about to leave. The 3 of us panicked. We looked at each other wearily. Chanel was the first to have tears welling up in her eyes while Nat and I tried to believe it was not what we think it was. All these were happening without a single word. Our eyes were emoting everything. You hugged each of us. You gave us a smile. It confused us. Yet somehow we didn't wanna believe it. You looked at me and I could see it in your eyes. Guilt. You knew it would hurt us if we knew for sure that you were about to walk out the door for the last time. So you didn't say a word. As you walked out, the three of us called out to you, finally finding our voices. But you just kept on walking. That was when we turned to Yan and she said "She's gone.". Nat and I broke down. Chanel had already broken down. I wanted to scream. When will it end. We were warned that you would leave, but I was still not prepared for it. I would never be. What are you going to do out there, Nadhrah... But like the rest of the times, I will soon grow cold to this. I will always miss the memories we had, but I can trust that my heart will harden again. Time will heal it and I will not shed a tear any more about the sister I once had. What are we gonna tell Petch & Sunee. We will be going back without 4. I swear, we will go back. We will make the money and we will go back. Petch, Sunee and Mdm Patravadi are waiting for us there. God I'm glad my blog is private. These are some things Singaporeans will never understand. I gotta stop crying. My body has produced more tears this year than I could ever imagine. That may not be healthy. The many thoughts it my head as I try to cram Biology. God. 8:24 PM ·