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Friday, August 6, 2010

Boys, men. all the same. One in my life just caused our door to be splashed with black paint. "O$P$" was scrawled on the wall with red ink Even our unit number was written. For all to see which house was the one that owed money. It was so hard to hold my tears as I walked out of the house for school, with the black paint and vandalism still there. My mom assured me that my dad would come over and clean it up before I got back home. He never even bothered. I came home to see it's still there. The strong spell of paint was killing me. and my heart. He doesn't even live with us any more, yet he still does this to us. 

You know, I would't be so hurt if I knew that the person responsible for the vandalising is an old money lender that my dad is still working hard to pay off and amend his old ways. Well too bloody bad for my stupid dream of having a better father. Just two days ago he accidentally sent me a message that I wasn't supposed to see.

"Bro, I have money coming in this Friday. which mean I will be going to settle with you on all the toto and 4d outstanding and the recent money I owe you. I would like to buy some 4d. no problem. right?"

.........why did he have to say the last sentence. if he was gonna settle the "outstanding", why is our house vandalized. or does that mean he has more than one creditor. why doesn't he bother to come home and clean up his mess. why doesn't it bother him that my mom, brother and I have to go through this. he doesn't even live here any more. is that why. cuz it doesn't affect him.

I'm so tired of all the hurt. boys. men. all of them. I just wanna be alone right now.