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Monday, August 16, 2010

HAPPY BELATED 18TH HAN! (: sorry couldn't find a nicer pic earlier :D

HAPPY 21ST SAM! the big two one! (:

and so...Math paper 2 is over. I can fairly say I've gotten quite a good chances of passing this time. :D but I don't wanna be too sure myself. I tend to always get my bubbles burst. ):

Today, I managed to stop myself before I started again. Well something I saw stopped me. I don't know why because it never affected me before. As I was walking home from school, I had to make a detour because of some construction going on. Then I saw a rag & bone man squeezing the horn to alert residents that he was there  looking for old things to buy and sell. I looked at him and it made my heart hurt. I know it may sound dumb to some of you, feeling sad for a stranger. But I always had a soft spot for the elderly. I can never bare seeing elderly being abandoned and suffering. When I saw that old man, I wondered about what his children are doing. Or does he even have children at all. Maybe that's why I can't stand annoying little kids, especially arrogant ones as well. Because they have nothing to complain or whine about. They are still kids. They have parents to feed them, to shelter them.

Then somehow my train of thoughts led to how I've been spending my money unnecessarily. I wondered why for awhile but then stopped thinking about it. Then when I got home, realization hit me. I realized the trends of my shopping sprees. Every time my parents get something really expensive for that brat, I splurge on myself. I think, to pamper myself when my parents aren't? I dunno but it's the closest explanation to what I feel. It all came to me when I realized that when my parents got my brother an iPad a few days ago, I'm already all preparing for yet another shopping spree with my piglet. and I told myself, WTH? What the fuck am I doing. I have food. I have shelter. My mom gives me freedom that is already considered a lot compared to what the others are getting. My dad stays out of my life, even tho he causes trouble sometimes, but still he stays away from me and rarely comes home to watch football anymore and that's all I want from him right now. I think he got the hint whenever I kept hiding the ashtray away. I never want to see an ashtray on that table in the living room. That ashtray is so symbolic of him. I don't want to see it. My family may be broken, but I am complete.

What a very random day today is. Of all things to make me realize.

But don't fret piglet. I won't break my promise. I will still go with you to get the things we wanted to buy. But I will not spend as much I as I said would. It would probably also be the last shopping spree I'm gonna have until after N'levels. It's time to save up. I need to be financially stable to support my parents when they are old and cannot depend on that short fag who's supposed to be a boy.


Natalieeeeeeee, I want to somehow include the innocence of the elderly to our baby as well. (: